There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
