I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
