You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I could make wine with my vomit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
