Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
