she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
