The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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