Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
