This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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