WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
