hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
