Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
