Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
