We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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