It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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