New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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