you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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