new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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