i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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