Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
