i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
