I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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