Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
