oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she looked like the before picture.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
