i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
