If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
