oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
