We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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