whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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