I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
