Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
