I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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