i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
