What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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