Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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