I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
