six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
