Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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