I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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