She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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