I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
