I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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