Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
