Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
