I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
