You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
