She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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