i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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