the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
worst night to have a conscience
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
