I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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