I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
