haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
