No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His hands were made for my vagina.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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