it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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