If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
