Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
